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Talk:Druella/@comment-26500728-20150616064120/@comment-25817038-20150909091221
Please dont criticize you ask? Um... No. Criticism is the best thing you could ever hope for when trying to throw together ideas for a book. Criticism is what's going to keep you from making huge mistakes that would sink your book to the depths of the oceans of the internet. So no, I WILL 'criticise your book, but I will try to do it ''constructively. Here's a tip to start things off. Never let your MC get to the level of Druella or the DL. Why? Because if your MC can even contend ''with Druella, or any other Lilim for that matter, 99.999999% of all other monsters and/or problelms are basically reduced to nothing more than irrelevancy because your MC has gone Full-Ichigo/Naruto god-mode, and now any legitimate tension or interest is lost. As a reader, if I cannot believe the MC can and will fail and things can go horribly wrong because of reasons beyond his control/power, then the book is not worth reading. I'm writing a book myself, and I won't lie, my MC can fight off most any regular monster (Minotarus, Lizardman, Salamander, even goes toe to toe with an Ogre but ends up losing) - but there's a reason he can, it's cliche in my eyes, but if executed right, will make for an amazing story. He's not from the MGE universe(kinda), thanks to a succubus experimenting with a summoning spell, she yanked him from his own world into theirs... in his experimental combat armor. So basically he has an experimental, incomplete, malfunctioning Spartan IV armor (no shields though) that's fitted for testing and research in the MGE (he's helping develop the armor into a stable, working unit, which explains why it's not working right, and is a bare-bones model). But here's the kicker. He can go toe-to-toe with any conventional monsters that fight physically, but he has one insurmountable Achille's Heel - he and his armor cannot, I repeat, '''CANNOT '''defend against magic. So up against Succubi, Baphomets, '''LILIM, ''or any other monster that uses magic, he's screwed. At a later point, it isn't beyond his skills/ability to take on three lizardmen at one time in a swordfight, but against Druella? A snap of her fingers brings him to his knees and renders him defenseless, and with her magic, even manages to shut his armor down and remove him from it even though it is sealed to him in a way that it'd be otherwise impossible while it's shut down. The point I'm trying to get at here is your MC was '''*WAY* '''too cliche, and the 'rage-fueled fight against Druella' reeks of novice-level shounen manga protagonist godmode'ness. He fights against Druella and resists her charm magic, as godlike as it is, simply because he's mad? I wrote some other stuff but reread your last post and am happy to see you've decided against that. As for 'he tries his best to resist her charm' ... You have to give some '''SERIOUS '''thought to how he can resist her charms because this woman is, for all intents and purposes, the physical embodiment of lust. She is lust incarnate and simple '''proximity '''to her is going to give just about everyone in existence the raging boner of a lifetime, so no simple explanation of an MC being resilient to her charms will work.